The green eyed monster rears its ugly head every so often and this is borne out of the natural compulsion to engage in comparison. For the most part we are constantly trying to ascertain if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and if it so turns out to be greener, we can either strive to make ours better or be consumed by envy. The latter approach is detrimental to progress and is self-defeatist whereas the former approach is heavily reliant on one’s capacity to either match up or come out stronger than the adversary in the final analysis. The antidote to envy is gratitude. Therefore, if all else fails turn inward and take stock of what you do in fact possess that makes your world go round. In as much as gratitude is important also remember that no matter how good you are to a goat it will still eat your yam.
Growing up I looked up to my older siblings. Each and every one of them had traits that I admired and it often felt like their shoes were too big for my feet both literally as well as figuratively. To that end I strived to work hard and follow in their footsteps even when the devil tried to fool me that they were different. I countered his nuance by reminding him that I was made of sterner stuff and was equally up to the task of levelling up. In the early years of my elementary school studies, my older brother was the Deputy Head boy of the school and was half a decade ahead. He carried himself with a sense of authority and commanded respect. I was a beneficiary of his tough nature because no one dared to lay a finger on me but they reminded me that he was enroute to high school.
That did not sit well with me, but I sought consolation in the fact that in his absence I’d be old enough to stand on my two feet. I wanted to be a leader as well but life moved too fast and the opportunity presented itself sooner than I was ready. I thought I had those many years to get ready and so I fell flat on my face. One morning, I was caught off guard when during a house meeting my brother approached me and told me to vie for one of the junior leadership slots that were up for grabs. I reluctantly agreed. Little did I know that the process entailed giving a speech to sway voters. I was fooled into thinking it was all about just voting and nothing else. After introducing myself, my mind went blank, I was lost for words and the rest is history. What happened thereafter is anyone’s guess.
Many years later when I encountered my first devastating heartbreak, I leaned on a shoulder and leaped from the frying pan into the fire. Unlike anger and any other emotion, envy can easily be concealed and kept under wraps for so long. Only a keen eye can spot it. Subtle digs under the guise of good natured humor can be used to guise envy. At the time I lived in a place where the dating pool was smaller for those who were hesitant to venture out into the wider community of the host nation. As a result thereof and in a dramatic twist of events, the girl who had just made mince-meat out of my heart was in close touch with the one whom I had broken hers in the prior summer. I barely even knew they knew each other let alone engage in conversation of any nature.
Like a well scripted play and what at the time seemed like coincidence, I received a call from my ex-girlfriend on the same day I was told to hit the road. Can’t recall at what point I was in the stages of grief but from the look of things I was possibly at the bargaining stage based on how the phone conversation went. She volunteered to broker a truce and help me get back with my girlfriend. Didn’t even bother to stick the little pieces together to determine how she knew the predicament that had befallen me. I naively took the bait and lived to regret the decision. To cut the long story short, she was envious of my new relationship and went all in to sabotage my chances of success. Through no fault of my own I did hit the road and felt how rough the tarmac was. Overcoming heartbreak and coming out of the trenches was no mean feat but I did with scars to show for it.
Striving for wealth, upper mobility and the finer things of life is a good thing. However, one ought to be cognizant of the fact that wealth has its own fair of challenges too. One can experience all that money can buy and know no happiness. With this in mind, it’s probably best to steer clear from being jealous of wealthy individuals. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches and appearances can be deceptive. If attaining material wealth is your overarching motivator in life, identify a wealthy individual or two whom you look up to and spare a day or however long it takes to get up close in an attempt to dig into their life experience. If they are generous enough to give you a glimpse into their life, you will be better placed to make a determination as to whether or not that is the path you intend to travel. Likewise, you will tell if envy is justified and the pursuit is worth the effort.
I was startled one evening after completing a group project for a graduate course in that a fellow group member looked besides himself and was reluctant to step out of the classroom. Everyone else had since left and those who had the luxury of not having to spend the weekend shuttling in between jobs while stealing a few minutes to get some shut eye had rushed out to hit the night scene. Work beckoned but prior to leaving, I felt compelled to prod and find out if all was well on his end as it was quite unusual being a vibrant Friday evening dead smack in the middle of summer. He confided in me that their vast family fortune seemed to have placed a yoke around his neck. Whenever he went out with friends, they expected him to pay for everything whereas he was as broke as the rest and wasn’t fairing any better. For reasons unbeknown to him, his father, a wealthy billionaire had closed the money tap. This put pressure on him not to mention the reputational baggage. He was not as free as the rest of us to walk or hop on a bus. I walked out of there conflicted. Whereas I didn’t envy his life, I yearned to cherry pick some of the experiences.
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