Amassing influence is an essential goal for many. Even those that look the other way and vehemently swear that self-sufficiency is their potion can begrudgingly attest to the importance of influence. In as much as politicians lead the pack in as far as reliance on influence is concerned, players in other spheres of life require it as well though not to the same extent. Failure to convince a voter can lead to ballot disaster. Similarly, failure to sway a buyer can deprive a salesperson’s wallet and harsh words can send a companion packing whereas sweet words can lead them to your arms.
Influence is an antidote to defensiveness. For the most part people tend to look after their own interest and a negligible number fall in the selfless category. To that end competitiveness and innate affinity towards autonomy can trigger defensiveness. The use of force to get someone to do your bidding will more than likely yield little to no result. The contrary position holds true. Mountains will be moved if someone is led to believe that their action is triggered by self-will. In order to stand a better chance of lowering one’s guard, one ought to create a feeling of mutual warmth and refrain from attacking the other person’s beliefs, intelligence or goodness. Doing so will more than likely yield a favorable outcome when it comes down to the wire.
I once worked in retail close to two decades back. The hustle and bustle offered an interesting twist to life that kept me going. There was never a dull moment at the store and the frequent customers from all walks of life enriched my life beyond measure. Courtesy of influence, I landed a second gig and delved deeper into the rat race. There was an acquaintance who frequented the store and threw in a good word about the company that he worked for. His end game was to entice me to work there as well. He was tactful and piqued my interest in profound ways. He didn’t bombard me with a ton of information but threw in a different reason every single day as he stopped by to get some coffee and donuts to ward off the effects of the chilly weather. In as much as I needed a second job, never in my wildest dreams had the thought of working there crossed my mind.
Seeing that his effort had not borne fruit, he changed tactics and extolled on the virtues of his company until I jolted him back to reality by asking him what I stood to gain. He wasted no time and stated that working there presented me with a once in a lifetime opportunity to make a difference in the world. They were knee deep into environmentally conscious engagements. In the back of his mind he thought that the feeling of doing something noble would lower my defense and fortify his case. I almost gave in. He was quick to notice this and decided to go for the kill by adding that there are so many like-minded individuals there who share the same goal of saving the environment. I wonder how he knew where I was leaning towards.
As he made to leave, he urged me to pay them a visit. By luring me into their premises, his overarching aim was to capitalize on the concert effect. People who have ever visited concerts can attest to the fact that personal defense is at its lowest there. Even the most serious of individuals can jump up and down repeatedly when told to do so while in the concert crowd. Groupthink thrives there as well. With that said he hoped to gain the upper hand via pulling me to his crowd. In a fortnight, he had tried using various reasons to appeal to me such as the ability to make a difference, increased earning potential, network expansion, conducive environment and favorable location since the company was a stone throw away from where we stood as he made the assumption that I lived in the vicinity of the area.
In a dramatic twist of events barely a day or two later, he walked into the store as I was trying to wrap my head around what had just transpired seconds before. A lady had just vanished into thin air having made off with a donut or two. Little did she know that barely half an hour later was the scheduled damping time. Had she asked for it, I would have gladly handed her a dozen donuts at no cost since they all ended up in the trash anyway. My role at the appointed time was to count, record and dispose. The incident did not in any way compromise my safety. However, my friend blew it out of proportion and made a mountain out of a molehill. In any case, it strengthened his resolve to woo me out on the basis of safety. A small occurrence can easily morph into a larger one was his trail of thought. He got a lucky break and the wind was on his back because I broke even though I was a tough nut to crack. He capitalized on the security breach, led me to his territory at the end of my shift and the rest is history.
Alcohol has the amazing transformational capability of temporarily turning a mouse into an elephant, a lion into a rat and break down barriers that took a century to build. Tough and rigid individuals can often times let their guard down after consuming a glass or two of their favorite poison. Carefully studying someone’s intoxication tendencies has certain advantages that pertains to influence. When under the influence one will more than likely be influenced or swayed to make detrimental decisions. A friend once told me that key decisions are typically discussed at the onset of the drinking session. Whatever is discussed after the third bottle is purely for entertainment purposes and ought to be treated with the contempt it deserves. Couldn’t agree more. It’s better to err on the side of caution and make the assumption that late night drinking den discussions are not binding.
I once mulled over an investment decision for a while. I agonized over it, did some research, aligned my ducks in a row and convinced myself that it was the way to go. Prior to proceeding, I decided to pick my old man’s mind and seek his blessings. Everything was ready to go like a well-oiled machine. Even had contingency plans in place. I paid him a visit and waited for him to come home. It was approaching nine in the evening and he was out with his friends. Shortly thereafter, he arrived and seemed to be in good spirits. This would be easy or so I thought. Since I had done my homework, I thought it would be a quick kill and that he would rubber stamp the decision. After exchanging pleasantries, I dug right in. He gave me his ears but after sensing the gravity of the situation, he deferred decision making to the next day. In as much as I wanted to capitalize on his mild tipsiness to have a favorable ruling, he knew it wasn’t the best time for such discussions as alluded to earlier. He must have had more than two for the road.
Aside from group dynamics and alcohol, love can definitely do a number on one and go a long way in weakening or obliterating the wall of defense. A while back when I first set foot in the land of milk and honey, I embarked on my studies and it didn’t take me long to encounter someone who got my heart beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings. In her presence, my heart felt like a jackhammer in my chest. We went to the same University based in a small town several miles away from civilization. Getting there entailed traversing through a white supremacist stronghold area. It was commonplace to hold your breath while passing through that place. Woe unto you if your car broke down at that specific juncture. That notwithstanding, love made me traverse that path even on days I didn’t have classes knowing very well the risk exposure involved. I volunteered and readily agreed to take her to school.
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