One bright sunny morning towards the end of last year, I was deeply engrossed in a cleaning chore that I hardly paid attention to what else was happening in the compound. I was startled by a commotion and when I looked up, a small circle of people had gathered around me and they appeared to be in deep discussion. One thing that piqued my interest is that they were looking in one general direction towards the corner of the compound. I overheard my mother asking whose car is that and my cousin interjected and stated that there appeared to be someone seated in the car. At first my mother thought it was my brother’s car. Can’t blame her failing eyesight that comes with age. Shortly thereafter, we decided to venture out there to do some in depth investigation at close range.
As we approached the vehicle, the driver’s door was opened and out came a gentleman with a cowboy hat. In a comic twist of events, he must have been as perplexed as we were that instead of coming out to greet him as soon as he arrived, we took what seemed like a lifetime staring at his car from afar while milled around in a circle. On our part, we largely expected him to alight from his car as soon as he arrived and when it took longer than expected, as naturally expected, suspicion grew for two reasons. First, his choice of parking spot at the furthest end raised hairs and two, the time delay could easily be misconstrued to imply that he was up to mischief more so if he was armed. All this was explained away barely a minute later when we met.
We were relieved and breathed a sigh of relief when it turned out that the gentleman was an old time family friend. He used a different car than the one we were accustomed to thus explaining the confusion. I reached out to greet him and the first words that came out of his mouth was “I hope I am not late”. When he saw the bewildered look in my eyes is when he added the last part “Late for the surprise party.” It then dawned on me that what we had in our hands was a case of confusion and none of us was up to any mischief. I had to restrain my laughter owing to the fact that he was serious and appeared not to be joking. He reached out to the back of his car to remove the gift he had brought. I told him to hold for a second, commended him for his punctuality but clarified that he had missed the event by a day.
He had in fact come a day early and apparently, this was not the first occurrence. A while back, he had come one week early for a relative’s wedding ceremony. As is customary not to turn away any visitor without a meal, we welcomed him for lunch and shared some light moments at his expense. He was quite a good sport. In his case, punctuality appears to be his compulsive behavior and he possibly detests being late. Therefore, he would much rather err on the side of caution and show up early. To his credit, there appeared to be a marked improvement from the last occurrence; reducing the accuracy gap from one week to a day. Like clockwork, he promptly showed up the next day for the planned event and cracked up the crowd during his speech with the self-deprecating humor.
We were set to travel one Sunday afternoon to the capital city. Prior to leaving the house, my father drilled into my head some nitty gritties and asked me repeatedly if I have packed everything I needed for the three week trip. I was barely ten years old at the time. In addition, everything had to be done in a systematic way. Luggage inside the trunk had to be placed in a certain way to balance the weight and ensure equal weight distribution. How else would you know that he was an Engineer? At first I shied away from attempting to arrange the luggage lest he turns everything upside down for failure to meet his criteria. With time, I nailed it and basked in glory when he gave a nod of approval.
Looking back several decades later, this type of upbringing was largely imprinted into my psyche. Often times, I catch myself falling into the same pattern more so during travel days. Many a times I circle around the house several times to ensure that all the taps are closed, electrical sockets are turned off and all the gadgets are unplugged. Prior to the final take off after everybody else is settled in the car, I would make a dash back and check once again as if some miraculous thing magically appeared from nowhere and tampered with my earlier setup confirmed barely three hundred seconds before hand. In as much as it’s a tedious process, I derive great satisfaction in doing so and allow myself some latitude of time hence I don’t mind waking up a few minutes early to get ready before everyone does so that I can circle around obviously with good intention as opposed to whipping up people to get ready as well.
Not to sound like a broken record and in the spirit of self-disclosure, one thing that beats me to this very day is that I tend to wash my hands repeatedly for fear of germs and still end up being the first one to get sick whereas those that hardly do hardly get sick in similar fashion. Eating with my bare hands presents even greater challenges. The need to add salt after having the first bite will definitely require me to make the trip to the sink once again and if I need to add more salt, then the cycle will be repeated before the sumptuous meal is devoured. Likewise, if I go to the store to purchase an item I am more likely to pick the second item in line for obvious reasons.
Compulsive behavior refers to actions that are engaged in repeatedly and consistently despite the fact that they are likely to be considered aversive or troubling. It is vital to do a self-analysis to identify such actions and do a root cause to determine the origin of such patterns. In as much as doing so can be deemed to be uncomfortable, it is a critical component if the overall goal is self-improvement in the final analysis. More so, laying ourselves bare presents its own set of challenges but if doing so can help someone else in one shape or form, then I will gladly do it while at the same time being cognizant of the fact that if you heal the leg of a person do not be surprised if they use it to run away.
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