David Mamet once said, “They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your nemesis drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.” In as much as the quote might tickle a funny bone, it best sums up what ambivalence is all about. However much having mixed feelings is part of human nature, it has the potential drawback of grinding decision making to a halt. Having one less enemy to contend with is worth celebrating over but the agony of losing a prized possession such as a Cadillac is a big cost to bear.
Human beings are predisposed towards having ambivalent feelings that change at the drop of a hat. Politicians and those that wear their heart on their sleeves withstand the worst of life’s fickle nature. Ambivalence commenced in our infancy stage and arguably set the trajectory for the rest of our lives. Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did except you is a quote I have encountered before of unknown origin. This does not fully apply in my case though in the sense that I have memories of my childhood and can highlight a few notable cases in point.
Excitement filled the air one afternoon when I was barely a teen. I was on the cusp of attaining independence as the teenage years beckoned. My mother had finally agreed albeit reluctantly to let me make my way to her workplace at the end of the school day as opposed to being picked from school. The journey that culminated to this point began months earlier when I vocalized my preferred drop off point that was nowhere near the school gate. It filled my heart with joy walking into the school compound unaccompanied except in instances where we were late and this happened umpteen times. In as much as our parents love and went out of their way to provide for us, I often times felt smothered and yearned to display my ability to stand on my two feet. Loving attention and seeking independence is as ambivalent as it can get.
What you order versus what you get is a murky topic filled with rib cracking anecdotes. I dodged the bullet and save for getting some light bulb moments along the way, the experience was generally good. No sooner had the school bell rang than I picked my belongings and headed out the door with my close friend. Armed with a few coins, I boarded a bus outside the gate barely ten minutes later. The trip to town was short. Along the way, I spotted other children donned in our school attire happily walking, chatting and playing as they made their way in the same direction we were heading. They caught up with us when we alighted a short while later. It then dawned on me that I had wasted my hard-earned money. Thereafter, never did I board a bus but I gladly accepted the few coins I received each morning to cover transport cost. A child will not know how far the journey is if he is always carried on the back.
A friend once learnt the hard way that it is quite possible for love and hostility to exist concurrently. Madly in love with an acquaintance, he set out on a trip to woo and win her love. The thought of paying her a surprise visit lured him and seemed irresistible. Little did he know that the joke was on him and that he would surprise himself instead. To love someone who hardly knows you do is akin to shaking a tree to make the dew drops fall. Along the way, his car broke down in the stillness of the night. Attempts to seek assistance bore no fruit as no car stopped for him. When he was just about to resign to fate, a big truck screeched to a halt and the driver told him to waste no time and enter the truck. He wanted no explanation. My friend was oblivious of the fact that he was smack in the middle of a national park. He had little choice but to lock his car and hop on the truck. Barely a minute later after driving off, they encountered an elephant with its baby, a lion and a cackle of hyenas making their way towards his car. Saved by the bell, this incident shook him to the core.
Harold Chantker once said, “When life hands you a bunch of sour grapes, turn them into a magnum of the finest champagne.’’ With that said, he made the most out of the evening by whiling the time away in a nearby spot as he waited for daybreak to sort the mishap. The rest of the trip was uneventful. Upon arriving there, the girl slammed the door shut on his face. At that particular moment in time, he loved and hated her at the same time. As he turned around and walked down the stairs, the sour grape theory kicked in. She was not that beautiful anyway he thought as he deliberated on his next course of action.
In our conversation shortly thereafter, I urged him to give it another shot the next day and put his best foot forward. After all, the tree of patience has bitter roots but its fruit is sweet. To this day, he appreciated the fact that he heeded the call and took the wise counsel I offered. She softened up and stopped playing hard to get. He took advantage to shoot his shot and the rest his history. They have made ten trips around the sun together and have a son to boot. Man can flee from the gun or lion in this case but not from his fate. The two were destined to be together.
Lewis Grizzard once said, "Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes." The quote illustrates the upside of leadership and once motivated me to fill a leadership void that existed in the organization of my past affiliation. We tend to crave leadership and feel unconsciously unsettled even distraught in the absence of a leader and on the other hand, we aspire to exercise our own authority and autonomy. Such is the ambivalence of life as pertains to leadership. A system overhaul once gave me the upper hand. I took a key interest in learning and went through the training manual with a fine-tooth comb.
Within no time, I mastered its operations and dispensed the knowledge freely to all and sundry. As a result, I took on an unofficial leadership role, steered the ship to safer ground and took the bullet for the team many a time. They looked up to me for guidance whereas I was not the appointed leader. The void did not last for long though. Shortly thereafter, I received the appointment letter and the rest is history. In closing, Joan Welsh once said, “I used to keep my college roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her text books.” Had I not read the training manual, I would not have gained the upper hand. Likewise, I hope many of you read this last sentence. There is valuable insight herein.
Loads of insight 👌.