The Law of Conformity

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Could not agree more with this statement as it essentially captures the gist of the Law of Conformity. More often than not, we tend to lose our individuality when in a group setting and the probability of acting out of character is significantly increased. This group effect coupled with the deeply ingrained notion that is hammered in us from an early age of the need to toe the line skews us towards conformity. Anyone who can hold their ground and barely move an inch in the face of this immense pressure to conform deserves an accolade as well as a definite place when the roll is called up yonder.

Not too long ago, I ran into an old friend. After exchanging pleasantries, we agreed to meet up later that evening to catch up on lost time. He was quite an intriguing fellow who got into trouble more often than not and was rebellious to the core. Threats did little to sway him and he preferred to walk off the beaten path to the chagrin of his folks. In the evening, I wasted no time and sought to find out the root cause of his rebellious streak.

Growing up in a family of four and being the oldest, the yoke felt heavy on his back and he was always on his father’s crosshairs. His younger siblings were always right and did right by their folks. In the few and far between instances whereby he received praise, he had to counter check and confirm the rightful recipient of the praise. This did a number on him. Owing to the constant figurative pounding on his flesh, he hatched a scheme so elaborate that it escaped anyone’s attention. Being an amiable fellow, he easily built friendships.

Unbeknown to his folks, he met people who agreed to ship him off to a distant land provided he met the cost of the trip. As fate would have it and since life is a game of inches, he fell short and failed to raise the money. As a result, the trip aborted and he remained in the family. He later joked about the fact that had he gone, his younger siblings would have only been told they had an older sibling at one point or the other. Raising the funds would have altered the trajectory of his life. For better or for worse is anyone’s wildest guess but one thing is clear to all and sundry, the pressure to conform is evident. It starts at the family level and grows outwards.

When I first set foot in the land of milk and honey, one of the myriad of challenges I had to contend with was word enunciation. I struggled to be clear enough so as not to get roasted lamb when in actual sense I wanted toast with jam. Faced with the prospect of such an encounter, you can either conform and twist the tongue or stay adamant and endure the pain of repeating yourself a multitude of times before passing the message across. The silver lining is that the animated look on their face was priceless when they figured out what you meant to say. Their eyes would light up and they would conclude by stating that next time say it this way. Quite an indirect form of nudging one towards conforming.

The first port of call en route home from the airport was a fast food restaurant since my brother wanted to grab a bite. The drive through concept fascinated me and I spotted a gap that would make my life easy moving forward. When I settled in, I opted to place my order using the menu number only as opposed to evoking the use of the mouthful words on the menu. The only struggle I ran into was the fact that I detested lettuce and wanted it to be omitted from my order. However, I did not know how to pronounce the word. For a while, I put up with having it there but when it became unbearable, I conformed and learnt to twist the tongue in order get the right order. I toyed with the idea of writing the word in a placard to make my life easy but lettuce was not the only word that gave me a hard time.

When it came to driving, I had to slow down and be conscious of the speed I was travelling at by constantly glancing on the speedometer. I once inadvertently overtook a police car and thought my goose was cooked. However, I heaved a sigh of relief when he flew past me and pulled over another driver. I was sweating bullets but since that incident, I chose to comply with the written rules of driving unlike the non-conformers in my circle who enjoyed the thrill of life and living in the fast lane. They set aside the fine cost and factored it into the overall cost of whatever trip they undertook. Thereafter, they stepped on the gas pedal with little regard to their own safety, that of others and cared less if they made it out of the trip alive. If you give bad food to your stomach, it will drum for you to dance. Likewise, non-conformity has its own set of consequences.